Bob is a Nigerian who just came back from the United State of
America where he grew up. He came to his home country to search for a life
partner because his parents had insisted he marry a Nigerian girl who’s been
brought up in Nigeria for the upholding of cultural value in the family
generation. It’s been two months he came and he hasn’t found it easy getting
along with his country girls. While hanging out with his cousin Andy and his
friends, he told them his experiences with the girls…
”Did you not know?” Andy asked with
a surprised look.
“What exactly?” replied Bob
“That in this country you don’t woo
a woman with flowers?”
“Really?” Bob seemed disconcerted
like he’s been fooling himself all along. “Ok then, um...how about asking her
out for a cup of coffee or drink.” He added.
“Do you think you’re in America?” Andy
feeling disappointed at Bob’s concept of wooing a woman “This na Naija, we run things
different here; first of all, what our girls see as FLOWER na CASH or GIFT
items, Once you got that, you are good to go.”
“Damn!”
“Yea…” Andy continued “it becomes
easier for you if you have a car.
“A car?” Bob queried
“Yes, Naija babes trip for cars like nothing else it doesn’t
matter if it is yours or not as long as you have access to a car, boy, you don
hammer and you won’t even spend much to get whatever you want…just appear with
a ride and you must catch something”
“This is interesting men….Nigerian
babes” Bob said in amazement as Jay, Rachael and Jenny joins them –
“What’s the koko?” Jay asked
“I’m giving the guy orientation on
how to blend with Naija babes” Andy answered.
“Oh!” he said as he took sit after
shaking hands with them. Rachael and Jenny had already sat and beckoned on the
waiter for drinks…
(Here is rest of their Gist ;)
Andy: “So my guy,”
he continued “…na so Naija just be for babes level… If you even show with one
wicked ride, you don’t need to speak…something must speak you”
Bob: “Wow!” he exclaimed “You guys spend
lots of energy here asking a lady out, it ain’t like that at the United States,
give a lady some goddamn flowers if you like her or ask her out For a cup of
coffee or dinner. Once she accepts, it means she is all yours. Sometimes, if
you’re hot, cute and good looking, they’ll be the ones asking you out even if you
got dough or not.”
Andy: “My brotheerrr… we dey see am for
movies. That one na America, for Naija here, dinner sef na outing o whether
morning or anytime once you take her out to fast foods or joints, you have had
dinner” he said laughing.
Jay: “You are even talking of being ‘hot’;
maybe you should know that a hot guy in Naija is not the guy with six packs.
What our girls see as hot, cute and good looking is a guy with a very good
paying job with sweet ride whether married o or single, with 1pack o or no pack
at all they no send.” Jay said also laughing with Andy who added – “Yea, they
will say, ‘a handsome man is a man who’s HANDS has SOME-thing’.” They all
busted into laughter
“What a country!” Bob exclaimed.
Jenny
chipped in: “You guys make it sound like girls have ruined the love life
of this country”
Andy: “Exactly!”
Jenny: “You see, it’s all you guys fault, sometimes
when a lady loves a man with all her heart, that’s when he misbehaves and
crushes her heart.” She said
Andy: “Not exactly true because when a lady is
shown love and care she will take it for granted.” he opposed.
Rachael: “Why would a woman take love for granted?”
Andy: “Well haven’t you seen most married
ladies cheating on their husband even when they have everything they could ever
wish for? Even singles do it, you will see them with a fine boy that gives them
everything a lady would want but sometimes they will leave him for one another
guy”
Rachael: “If a woman cheats on her man,
obviously that man is not doing everything right”
Bob: “What other thing can a man do right if not
to love his woman with all he’s got?”
Jenny: “Men always profess love but sometimes I
wonder if they even know what it means to love a woman”
Jay: “Obviously, men understand love better than
women. Women are emotional” he said as he made order for another round of
drinks
Rachael: “Women quite true are emotional but their
emotion is their strength to love” she said and then turned to the waiter –
“please I’ll have just water”
Andy: “And that’s also their weakness because their
emotions are very unstable and that’s why you cannot point out exactly what a woman
wants”
Rachael: “If men can really love, they will
know that what a woman wants it’s not just their gifts and money. We need
absolute attention and heart to heart relationship.”
Jay: “Like we don’t know that already? Do you know
how many authors and pastors who have written and preached about that? We know
all that stuff but the problem is that women want it all and we can’t give it
all.” He said with bit anger
Bob: “A man has to work to make money and so got
to be very busy hence he cannot give a woman a hundred percent attention.” He added
in agreement with Jay
Andy also
added: “It’s simple; the more money and comfort you
want from your man, the less attention you’ll get. Also, the more attention you
want…
Bob, Jay
and Andy:
....the less money and comfort
you’ll get.
Jenny: “Ha ha… Funny.” She chuckled
Rachael: “Another thing is this, a woman could have
left a man if she finds out they are not compatible.”
Andy: Well, I just don’t think
compatibility is an excuse because you ought to know if you are compatible before
going into the relationship. I mean, why would you go into a relationship
without knowing if you are compatible or not?
Rachael: If only you know how persuasive guys
can be. Like you rightly said, women are emotional and our emotions runs out
when you guys do all those wooing stuff you do, appearing to be like an angel,
caring, understanding and all that. Finally, when she gives in, it was all a fake.
Jenny: Trust me guys it’s not easy to get out
of a relationship once you’re in but you’ll end up becoming vulnerable for
either cheating or leaving the guy. Guys are deceitful when they are wooing a
lady and you can never decipher who is the right one but ones they have gotten
what they wanted….whoops!
Rachael: You see why ladies are most times
mean these days?
Jay: Hmm, you make it sound like we are
the ones that ruined our love life. I think most times it is due to what they
see.
Rachael: You’re saying it is a ladies fault
that she was used and dumped?
Jay: Well, the way ladies dress and
sample most of their body parts these days, it’s very harassing and suggest
nothing but sex. Mind you, men can do anything to satisfy their sexual urge. That’s
why rape is on the increase this days but a decent and smart dressing lady makes
a guy think relationship and marriage at the first sight.
Jay: (continues…) See, every
man has a picture of the kind of woman they want in their lives and they are
continuously in search for her consciously or not. But sex is a natural drive
in any man and it can be stirred up by a woman’s body. So there’s a way you
dress and it will end up stirring the sexual drive in any man that sees you.
Those without self control will go out their way to satisfy that urge and they
can do anything and profess anything to get it.
Bob: Those their dressings are killing!
I couldn’t take my eyes off the street while we were driving round yesterday
Andy: No be small thing o…all men wear
trunk nowadays against impulse reaction because the sightseeing dey activate
guys even when you no even know. You go just feel some heavy movements around……
Rachael: E don do Andy….
Jenny: You know what? I think we should
stop pointing fingers on either the men or women for ruining our love or
relationship life
Jay: I agree. I propose that for us to
restore a proper and memorable love life in our relationships, FRIENDSHIP
should precede every relationship. In that way, you get to understand each
others’ value system and compatibility before getting involved.
Jenny: Also before you say ‘yes’ we should
know why we are accepting someone in our lives. It shouldn’t be because we are
LONELY for loneliness is a state of vulnerability and you can never make a wise
choice at that state. So always know why you need that particular person in
your life.
Andy: The ladies should stop exposing
their body and also stop copying the false lifestyle portrayed in the movies. Maybe
then we can restore some value into our relationship life.
Bob: And they should take it easy on
guys with money stuff. Love is not supposed to be determined by money although
it is necessary but it should not be the basis.
Rachael: Most importantly, we should always
put our relationship in prayer because really on our own we can’t make all
things work out. So if you really want to spend the rest of your life with that
person then you will need divine assistant.
Jay: You know when we talk about God’s
involvement in our relationship, it sounds churchy and spiritual but really if
you do believe that there is a God somewhere that sees over our affairs then
prayer is inevitable.
Andy: Well, Bob, you have heard it all,
so take your time and start making friends first, and then maybe you’ll find
that one person that is just for.
**
** ** **
This is a fictional chat I believe
paints the picture of the state of relationships and love life in this country
and a possible way out.
The truth is, relationships can
never be perfect as we expect it. Human nature is not perfect and therefore
cannot yield perfection but attempt to. Let’s make our relationship work having
the understanding that whoever we are dating now is not perfect and if it
happens that it didn’t work out, we should know it is for a greater good for a
broken relationship is better than a broken marriage. A song writer wrote; “in
the game of love everyone plays a fool sometimes, and there’s no guaranty that
who you love will love you back...”
So, before you get involve with
anyone, get to be friends first and know them enough to risk your life and
destiny with them even if it didn’t last long, it will worth the try.
Therefore, let’s not take it out on others because we’ve been hurt or conclude
that men or women are this and that.
We can make our relationship work,
as long as we do not build our values on money and physical appearance, for the
things we see are temporal and will definitely pass away with time but the
values we don’t see are permanent and all we need to work it out is patience
and understanding. You can love again if you say so.
Written by James Bardi
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