Complications

He knew she was very much in love with him but then, he knew also she wasn't really his type. In the spirit of 'gentlemanness' he tried to ask her out lest he hurt her feelings. Dazed as she turned him down, he wondered 'what was all that flirt all about?'. Now letting her go is not an option, he must employ all his arsenals to make her say yes. Persuasions precede acts of kindness, calls, sms, gifts...etc just to put a 'yes' in her mouth. Was there a time this method never worked? Didn't think so.

For a moment, his brain and his mind were speaking at the same time. He wasn't sure what they were saying...The Brain; 'hey man, she just said yes'...The Mind; 'guy, u don fuck up, shey u know say she no reach?' Uh oh, at that moment he realized he's been fighting his ego. He should have let all things work together for his good but now...hmm, a heartbreak in the making.

To all the ladies, its not all the time a guy fights hard to get u that he is in love...Don't say yes because he fought hard but because you are SURE!

(C) James Bardi

Who Ruined Our Love Life?

Bob is a Nigerian who just came back from the United State of America where he grew up. He came to his home country to search for a life partner because his parents had insisted he marry a Nigerian girl who’s been brought up in Nigeria for the upholding of cultural value in the family generation. It’s been two months he came and he hasn’t found it easy getting along with his country girls. While hanging out with his cousin Andy and his friends, he told them his experiences with the girls…

”Did you not know?” Andy asked with a surprised look.

“What exactly?” replied Bob

“That in this country you don’t woo a woman with flowers?”

“Really?” Bob seemed disconcerted like he’s been fooling himself all along. “Ok then, um...how about asking her out for a cup of coffee or drink.” He added.

“Do you think you’re in America?” Andy feeling disappointed at Bob’s concept of wooing a woman “This na Naija, we run things different here; first of all, what our girls see as FLOWER na CASH or GIFT items, Once you got that, you are good to go.”

“Damn!”

“Yea…” Andy continued “it becomes easier for you if you have a car.

“A car?”  Bob queried

“Yes, Naija babes  trip for cars like nothing else it doesn’t matter if it is yours or not as long as you have access to a car, boy, you don hammer and you won’t even spend much to get whatever you want…just appear with a ride and you must catch something”

“This is interesting men….Nigerian babes” Bob said in amazement as Jay, Rachael and Jenny joins them­­­­­­­ –

“What’s the koko?” Jay asked

“I’m giving the guy orientation on how to blend with Naija babes” Andy answered.

“Oh!” he said as he took sit after shaking hands with them. Rachael and Jenny had already sat and beckoned on the waiter for drinks…

(Here is rest of their Gist ;)

Andy:  “So my guy,” he continued “…na so Naija just be for babes level… If you even show with one wicked ride, you don’t need to speak…something must speak you”

Bob:  “Wow!” he exclaimed “You guys spend lots of energy here asking a lady out, it ain’t like that at the United States, give a lady some goddamn flowers if you like her or ask her out For a cup of coffee or dinner. Once she accepts, it means she is all yours. Sometimes, if you’re hot, cute and good looking, they’ll be the ones asking you out even if you got dough or not.”

Andy:  “My brotheerrr… we dey see am for movies. That one na America, for Naija here, dinner sef na outing o whether morning or anytime once you take her out to fast foods or joints, you have had dinner” he said laughing.

Jay:  “You are even talking of being ‘hot’; maybe you should know that a hot guy in Naija is not the guy with six packs. What our girls see as hot, cute and good looking is a guy with a very good paying job with sweet ride whether married o or single, with 1pack o or no pack at all they no send.” Jay said also laughing with Andy who added – “Yea, they will say, ‘a handsome man is a man who’s HANDS has SOME-thing’.” They all busted into laughter

“What a country!” Bob exclaimed.

Jenny chipped in: “You guys make it sound like girls have ruined the love life of this country”

Andy: “Exactly!”

Jenny:  “You see, it’s all you guys fault, sometimes when a lady loves a man with all her heart, that’s when he misbehaves and crushes her heart.” She said

Andy:  “Not exactly true because when a lady is shown love and care she will take it for granted.” he opposed.

Rachael:  “Why would a woman take love for granted?”

Andy:  “Well haven’t you seen most married ladies cheating on their husband even when they have everything they could ever wish for? Even singles do it, you will see them with a fine boy that gives them everything a lady would want but sometimes they will leave him for one another guy”

Rachael:  “If a woman cheats on her man, obviously that man is not doing everything right”

Bob:  “What other thing can a man do right if not to love his woman with all he’s got?”

Jenny:  “Men always profess love but sometimes I wonder if they even know what it means to love a woman”

Jay:  “Obviously, men understand love better than women. Women are emotional” he said as he made order for another round of drinks

Rachael:  “Women quite true are emotional but their emotion is their strength to love” she said and then turned to the waiter – “please I’ll have just water”

Andy:  “And that’s also their weakness because their emotions are very unstable and that’s why you cannot point out exactly what a woman wants”

Rachael:  “If men can really love, they will know that what a woman wants it’s not just their gifts and money. We need absolute attention and heart to heart relationship.”

Jay:  “Like we don’t know that already? Do you know how many authors and pastors who have written and preached about that? We know all that stuff but the problem is that women want it all and we can’t give it all.” He said with bit anger

Bob:  “A man has to work to make money and so got to be very busy hence he cannot give a woman a hundred percent attention.” He added in agreement with Jay

Andy also added:   “It’s simple; the more money and comfort you want from your man, the less attention you’ll get. Also, the more attention you want…

Bob, Jay and Andy:

....the less money and comfort you’ll get.

Jenny:  “Ha ha… Funny.” She chuckled

Rachael:   “Another thing is this, a woman could have left a man if she finds out they are not compatible.”

Andy:  Well, I just don’t think compatibility is an excuse because you ought to know if you are compatible before going into the relationship. I mean, why would you go into a relationship without knowing if you are compatible or not?

Rachael:  If only you know how persuasive guys can be. Like you rightly said, women are emotional and our emotions runs out when you guys do all those wooing stuff you do, appearing to be like an angel, caring, understanding and all that. Finally, when she gives in, it was all a fake.

Jenny:  Trust me guys it’s not easy to get out of a relationship once you’re in but you’ll end up becoming vulnerable for either cheating or leaving the guy. Guys are deceitful when they are wooing a lady and you can never decipher who is the right one but ones they have gotten what they wanted….whoops!

Rachael:  You see why ladies are most times mean these days?

Jay:   Hmm, you make it sound like we are the ones that ruined our love life. I think most times it is due to what they see.

Rachael:  You’re saying it is a ladies fault that she was used and dumped?

Jay:   Well, the way ladies dress and sample most of their body parts these days, it’s very harassing and suggest nothing but sex. Mind you, men can do anything to satisfy their sexual urge. That’s why rape is on the increase this days but a decent and smart dressing lady makes a guy think relationship and marriage at the first sight.

Jay:  (continues…) See, every man has a picture of the kind of woman they want in their lives and they are continuously in search for her consciously or not.  But sex is a natural drive in any man and it can be stirred up by a woman’s body. So there’s a way you dress and it will end up stirring the sexual drive in any man that sees you. Those without self control will go out their way to satisfy that urge and they can do anything and profess anything to get it.

Bob:  Those their dressings are killing! I couldn’t take my eyes off the street while we were driving round yesterday

Andy:  No be small thing o…all men wear trunk nowadays against impulse reaction because the sightseeing dey activate guys even when you no even know. You go just feel some heavy movements around……

Rachael:  E don do Andy….

Jenny:  You know what? I think we should stop pointing fingers on either the men or women for ruining our love or relationship life

Jay:  I agree. I propose that for us to restore a proper and memorable love life in our relationships, FRIENDSHIP should precede every relationship. In that way, you get to understand each others’ value system and compatibility before getting involved.

Jenny:  Also before you say ‘yes’ we should know why we are accepting someone in our lives. It shouldn’t be because we are LONELY for loneliness is a state of vulnerability and you can never make a wise choice at that state. So always know why you need that particular person in your life.

Andy:  The ladies should stop exposing their body and also stop copying the false lifestyle portrayed in the movies. Maybe then we can restore some value into our relationship life.

Bob:  And they should take it easy on guys with money stuff. Love is not supposed to be determined by money although it is necessary but it should not be the basis.

Rachael:  Most importantly, we should always put our relationship in prayer because really on our own we can’t make all things work out. So if you really want to spend the rest of your life with that person then you will need divine assistant.

Jay:  You know when we talk about God’s involvement in our relationship, it sounds churchy and spiritual but really if you do believe that there is a God somewhere that sees over our affairs then prayer is inevitable.

Andy:  Well, Bob, you have heard it all, so take your time and start making friends first, and then maybe you’ll find that one person that is just for.

                        **                               **                               **                   **

This is a fictional chat I believe paints the picture of the state of relationships and love life in this country and a possible way out.

The truth is, relationships can never be perfect as we expect it. Human nature is not perfect and therefore cannot yield perfection but attempt to. Let’s make our relationship work having the understanding that whoever we are dating now is not perfect and if it happens that it didn’t work out, we should know it is for a greater good for a broken relationship is better than a broken marriage. A song writer wrote; “in the game of love everyone plays a fool sometimes, and there’s no guaranty that who you love will love you back...”

So, before you get involve with anyone, get to be friends first and know them enough to risk your life and destiny with them even if it didn’t last long, it will worth the try. Therefore, let’s not take it out on others because we’ve been hurt or conclude that men or women are this and that.

We can make our relationship work, as long as we do not build our values on money and physical appearance, for the things we see are temporal and will definitely pass away with time but the values we don’t see are permanent and all we need to work it out is patience and understanding. You can love again if you say so.

Written by James Bardi

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